All She Wanted (Letting Go) Read online

  All She Wanted

  Letting Go Series

  Book Two

  By Nicole Deese

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons living or dead is entirely coincidental.

  Copyright © 2013 Nicole Deese

  www.nicoledeese.com

  Okay Creation Cover Designs

  © Sarah Hansen

  www.okaycreations.net

  Dedication

  This book is dedicated to my dad and mom.

  Without you my passion for the arts would not exist.

  I love you.

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Epilogue

  Special Thanks

  Prologue

  Charlie

  I used to pray for amnesia.

  The irony of how some memories refuse to be erased while others could so easily slip my mind—like sand through a colander—was not lost on me.

  Even with years of therapy, I still choked on the word that defined my childhood. It remained trapped somewhere inside my head, yet the feelings it provoked were unrestricted. It was almost as if time had chosen to skip over those memories completely, denying me the ability to forget.

  I could remember everything—all the details that my five-year-old brain should not have been able to recall. I remembered the smell of the carpet, and the stale hot air that festered in our run-down flat. I remembered the dumpster in the parking lot, and the children who played near it round the clock. I remembered my tangled hair and the never-ending hunger that gnawed at my belly.

  But most of all…I remembered her.

  She liked the quiet, yet she cried incessantly. And when she wasn’t crying, she was sleeping. I was old enough to see that she was broken, and desperate enough to believe that I could fix her—that I could make her well, that I could make her smile, that I could make her love me.

  The day I heard the music, was the day I thought I had finally found her cure.

  The delicate piano notes were a whisper on the wind, calling to me. I crouched below the open window so I could listen to the woman play. A fire ignited in my chest as the sound filled me; it was the sound of happiness.

  Maybe music could make my mama happy, too.

  I ran.

  I ran through the parking lot, past the dumpster, up the stairs to the blue door with the chipping paint. I threw it open, running to the bed where my mama lay. I stroked her hair softly, careful to keep my voice low as I tried to rouse her from her sleep.

  Mama didn’t answer me though.

  I spoke louder the second time, and louder still the third.

  But mama never woke up that day.

  When I went to live at a new house, with a new family, nothing was familiar to me. There was no dumpster with free stuff, no parking lot littered with kids, and no darkness lurking in the corner. It did have one thing though—the one thing I wished she could have heard, and the only thing that dulled the pain she left behind.

  Music.

  Chapter One

  Charlie

  “What did you say?”

  “I’m revoking your scholarship. You’ve failed to keep up your GPA, which breaks the guidelines of your scholarship,” Dean Thomas repeated.

  I stood up from the plush leather chair and slapped my hands down on the shiny mahogany desk in front of him. “You can’t be serious! Maybe you haven’t heard, but my fiancé just dumped me! Doesn’t the committee ever look at life circumstances, or are they just a bunch of cold-hearted-”

  “Don’t finish that sentence, Charlie. Your engagement ended last December. It’s April now. We’ve given you more than enough grace to resolve your personal drama. There are students who are working extremely hard out there—trying to earn the scholarship you were granted. We cannot keep overlooking your grades. It reflects poorly on the University,” he said.

  Fireworks were going off inside my head. This can’t be right…they can’t just do this to me without any warning. I’ll get a lawyer; some big, hotheaded Texan that loves to sue stuck up Universities for wrongful termination—or whatever this could be classified as.

  My scowl intensified as I sat across from the old man with salt-and-pepper hair. Tears blurred my vision. Our stare-down lasted several long seconds before he finally broke the trance and scribbled something on a piece of paper in front of him, handing it to me hastily.

  “What’s this?” I snapped.

  “That,” he said, pointing to the document in my hand, “is the second chance I’m not convinced I should give you.”

  “Okay?” I questioned, carefully.

  “I want you to take the rest of the term off. Go home; get your life straightened out. I’ll hold your scholarship until fall term starts…but that’s it, Charlie. No more chances. When you come back, there will be no more grace to give, are we clear on that?”

  “Crystal.”

  I stared at the paper, knowing I should feel grateful, but the words refused to come out. I wasn’t going to thank him for my suspension. That was stupid. I may be a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them. I mustered up the humility I needed to nod my head once before I turned to leave.

  “Miss Lexington?”

  “Yes?” I said, reaching for the doorknob.

  “I had a nice long chat with your father about this today. He is expecting your call.”

  “Well, that’s just excellent. Thank you for being so thorough, Dean Thomas.” The words were like poison dripping from my lips.

  “Anytime.”

  I closed the door hard as I exited.

  Of all the schools I could have chosen! Why did the blasted Dean have to know my father!

  As I reached my dorm room, I was relieved to find that Sasha wasn’t there. It wasn’t that I wanted to avoid my roommate per se, but I needed to do a little venting first. And that needed to be done alone. I screamed into my pillow until I felt light-headed, then I marched across the room—all ten feet of it. I picked up the picture I had refused to trash (along with the rest of the swag from my broken engagement) and threw it hard against the wall.

  Shards of glass flew everywhere, but the photograph lay unscathed on the floor.

  I stared at it. His sultry smile, his dark hair, and his laughing eyes, all taunted me. What a fool I’d been to believe he loved me. A single tear slipped down my cheek, I wiped at it impulsively.

  I was so sick of crying over Alex Monroe; loving him had screwed everything up.

  My ph
one buzzed in my bag. I reached for it instinctively, throwing my head back in frustration when I read the name.

  Of course…daddy.

  His timing was impeccable.

  Briggs

  “Briggs! My office—now, please,” Chief Max bellowed.

  I stood abruptly as my name echoed within the concrete walls of the fire station. I hadn’t the foggiest idea why I was being summoned, but I moved quickly regardless. He wasn’t a man to be left waiting—that is—unless you liked urinal duty. I happened not to.

  “Yes, sir?” I asked as I reached his open door.

  “Come in and close the door, please. Have a seat.” Chief rested his elbows on his desk, massaging his temples. I entered. It was obvious something was wrong, but while not being the best at reading emotions, I decided to wait for him to address me further.

  He took several deep breaths before breaking the silence. Finally, he looked at me. “I need your help.”

  “Anything, of course. What’s up, sir?” I asked.

  “Julie and I are scheduled to leave next week on our anniversary cruise to Greece,” he began; I nodded as this was not news to me, “but we have run into a bit of a snag.”

  Probably forgot to find a dog-sitter. I like dogs. No problem.

  “You need someone to watch Rocco?”

  He lifted his head and stared at me as if re-assessing his need—or perhaps the solution to his need.

  “No. I wasn’t exactly looking for a dog-sitter, Briggs; I have one of those already. That’s the least of my concerns at the moment.”

  He took another deep breath, drumming his thumbs on his desk in a thoughtful rhythm.

  Whatever it is…it sure has him worked up.

  “Charlie’s coming home from school this weekend—for a while—and I need someone at the house to keep things in order while we’re gone.”

  Charlie? Hmm…why did I think Chief had a daughter?

  “Okay, like in what way, sir?” I asked, confused why a college-aged boy couldn’t keep a house in order for four weeks.

  “Charlie’s gotten into some trouble at school. Too many extra-curricular activities, and not enough time hitting the books, if you get my drift. I need you to keep an eye on her while I’m gone. And the only way you can do that is to stay at the house.”

  Her? I nearly choked on my own spit as I swallowed.

  “Charlie’s a-”

  “Charlotte is a young woman, yes. I thought you knew I had a daughter, Briggs?”

  “Uh, right…of course I did,” I said, clearing my throat.

  “So, it’s settled then? You’ll stay at the house and make sure she follows my rules? I knew I could count on you.”

  I looked behind me instinctively.

  Um…

  The firehouse was filled with candidates much better qualified for a job like this.

  “Sir, I think you might be better off with Kai—or Evan,” I protested

  “Kai’s getting married in six weeks, and Evan is flying back home for his brother’s military graduation.”

  Oh…so I’m third on his list. That makes way more sense.

  Glad to know he’s not losing it entirely.

  “Julie will get the apartment above the garage all set up for you. I know this is a lot to ask, Briggs, but Julie won’t go on this cruise unless we know Charlie’s in good hands. She’s a little spitfire for sure—always has been, but she needs consequences for her poor choices. She may have just turned twenty-one, but I’m still the bank that funds her life.”

  Chief Max smiled a bit at his last statement.

  “Well, I guess…”

  “Great. Thanks again, Briggs. I’ll leave some instructions for you both while we’re away. I’ve set it up for her to come to the station during the day and do some office work for me. Other than that, she is not to leave the house unsupervised.”

  “What—you mean like house arrest?” I asked incredulously.

  “You got a problem with my parenting, Briggs?”

  “No sir, it’s just that you said she’s twenty-one…won’t she want to go out with friends and-”

  “What she wants and what is best are two very different things. She has lived how she’s wanted to for the past six months. Not only did that get her suspended from school, but her current taste in friends is nothing short of repulsive. So no, she can’t go out, not until I’m back from my cruise,” he said sternly.

  “Got it. No going out. But what about my shifts, sir?” I asked, thinking about my schedule.

  “She will come to the station when you do, and she will leave when you do. Obviously she won’t be spending the night here, so figure out how to make your hours work around her. She’s the priority here, Briggs. She’s still my little girl—and the most precious person in my life short of my wife,” he said, sighing, “I just can’t trust her right now.”

  I nodded, though I was still having a hard time computing his paranoia. I stood to leave, as it was clear to me that he was finished. When I turned toward the door, he cleared his throat, drawing my attention back to him once more.

  “I trust you won’t let me down, Briggs.”

  I nodded.

  His eyes communicated more than his words. He knew me—the real me, and yet he trusted me. There were guys at the station who assumed my past was still my present, but not Chief.

  I wouldn’t let him down.

  Charlie

  “Dinnertime, Charlie!” my mother called from downstairs.

  Great. Just what I need: A family dinner to discuss my life choices.

  “Be down in a sec!”

  I threw the last of my clothes into my dresser and kicked my suitcase inside my closet. The one plus about moving back home was that my room here was nearly three times larger than my shared dorm room was. The downside was that Sasha wasn’t here with me. She was four hours away, in Austin.

  I walked down the stairs, glancing at the pictures on the wall. Smiling, happy, gag-me, pictures of a family that had been anything but connected as of late, stared back at me.

  “Hello Charlie.”

  My dad’s voice was unmistakable. It was a strange mix of authority and kindness—a combination I’d never heard duplicated.

  “Hi Daddy,” I said as he pulled me in for a hug.

  “I’d like to say it’s nice to see you, sweetheart—under different circumstances it would be.” His tone could have been labeled, “The Disappointed Father”.

  “Unbelievable,” I said, pulling out of his grip. “It hasn’t even been a full minute and already you’re reminding me of what a disappointment I am.”

  “Sweetheart, you are not a disappointment…your choices are,” he said calmly.

  I rolled my eyes, “Please Daddy, if that is your version of the ‘love the sinner—hate the sin’ conversation…I’d rather skip it.”

  “Sit down, Charlie; we have a lot to talk about.”

  I pulled out the dining room chair and sat down hard, deflecting the glare of my father by smiling at my mom instead.

  “Please don’t put your elbows on the table, Charlie,” my mom said.

  I re-adjusted, sitting up straighter. My stomach grumbled loudly in response to my mother’s southern cooking. She was a phenomenal cook—deemed the Firehouse Mother a long time ago. She reveled in the joy of providing homemade pies and cobblers for the men at the station. I did not acquire that same skill set, or joy when it came to cooking.

  “Let’s say grace.”

  After bowing my head, I waited for the amen, my mouth salivating. I hadn’t eaten lunch, refusing to stop for fast food during my four-hour drive home to Dallas. No amount of convenience was worth putting that garbage into my body.

  After listening to some pleasantries from my mother about the latest on-goings in the neighborhood, my dad leaned back in his chair, indicating he was ready to get down to business.

  “Your mother and I have decided that we are not going to postpone our cruise on account of your suspension, Charlie.
”

  “I would hope not.” I shot back, after taking a bite of salad.

  “Charlie, don’t talk with your mouth full,” my mother said softly.

  I rolled my eyes.

  What was I—a first grader?

  “Do not roll your eyes at your mother, Charlie!”

  I put my fork down and leaned back slowly. Obviously, there was more to this conversation. He never snapped at me like that. I waited anxiously for the other shoe to drop.

  “The reason we have decided to leave is because I’ve thought of a compromise.”

  He smiled; I did not smile back.

  “And what might that be?” I asked.

  “I’ve arranged to have someone come and stay with you while we’re gone. They’ll hold you accountable to the rules I told you about during our phone conversation last week.”

  “What? You have got to be joking! Who…who did you possibly arrange to watch me, Daddy? Old Lady Watson—or maybe Aunt Jo?” I couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of either of those old women playing the role of babysitter for me like they had when I was in elementary school.

  “Actually, it’s one of my men.”

  I stopped laughing.

  He was serious—dead serious. I gaped, words escaping me for the first time since I’d been home.

  “Speechless? Well now you know how your mother and I felt when we got the call last week from Dean Thomas. We aren’t playing games here, sugar. Things have to change with you…there are consequences for your actions. And it’s our job to-”

  I threw back my chair from the table, standing so quickly that my drink splashed over the rim, soaking the tablecloth.

  “It’s not your job, Daddy! I am not your job anymore…I’m an adult!”

  He laced his fingers together, as if unfazed by my outburst.

  “Really? Does an adult go out dancing till the wee hours of the morning? Does an adult get caught in the school parking lot drunk with their roommate after curfew? Does an adult get suspended from their scholarship because they stopped caring about their grades? That sounds like a rebellious child to me, Charlie—not an adult. I still provide for you financially-”